images worth thousands of words, and millions of smiles

I’m a mess, but I love you

Not in the great mood today. Not even sad, but yet I feel kind of stuck in the moment, as if where running out of of breath. Thoughts come and go, and at the same time I do not pay attention to them. Anyway, it’s only the result of my own stupid actions, and although I preach that we should go trough moments and emotional states, to go through this “stiffness” is really frustrating. I think that every unconfortable situation is embeded by fear; and this time the fear is the same used up old one: the fear of loss. And I think, not again, not the same ghost, the same unreasonable feeling; unreasonable because I have no reasons to create such a mess out of nothing. But behold creatures…!  In my world nothing is never a void, nothing it is always something. Something that begins with a simple thing, and suddenly, I’m on a rollercoaster carrying a dizziness which I cannot stop. I think too much, I know. I make things bigger than they are, I know. But I cross my heart when I say that beneath all this momentanous mess stands the fear of loosing you, honeybunny. 

butterfly in reverse (to ezequiel)

my heart fills with joy every time I can hear the tone, the pitch of your voice, is the register of your sound that reminds me of what I am, of what I want from and for my life. My life, my path, my renewed steps, the ones you helped me create. Creation, of love, of hope, of vision, of nature. Naturally, I love. I care. Care for you. You, are the one I love. Love, is what I have reinvented against all predictions. Predictions, that were nothing but sadness, nothing but to accept the consequences of my faults, nothing but to keep on cleaning up the strings fastening my hands. Hands, with which I have covered my eyes for an eternal moment. Moments, is what I want to have since I found you remembering me. Me, as I used to be. Being, the same child you cared, the same child you wanted peacefully and innocently. Innocence brings to my memory the notes of faded classes, where everything had the appearance of being genuine, even my own self, portraying your face. Face the night, I said to myself, face live, face moments of anguish, look at yourself with no respect, and find the bravery to feel, to bear, to detect, to suffer, to sense, to perceive. Perceive, my beautiful little boy, Ezequiel, -in the preamble of words: Ejeskiel, the one with the strength of G’d- my request for your love, I plea for your presence. Presence, you being there, here and in every corner of my wishes makes me protest against conditions, makes me cry out my demands sadly enough as to regain intensity to fight, to struggle easily and honestly. Honestly is the way I think of you, sincerely is the shape in which I love you. You, as a butterfly in reverse, in a continual, never-ending time, never leaving, always staying, never changing, wishing to love until every fear of loss gets lost.